Things That Go Bump in the Night

Wyatt is still not sleeping through the night. I don't really mind too much but some nights, if I go to bed late, it is taxing. I have perfected the art of walking to his crib with my eyes closed. Sometimes I won't even remember that I have played binky fetcher all night. Those are the good nights. During the bad nights, I might get up every hour, change Wyatt's outfit more than once, and have a walked a marathon in my room. I try not to change his diaper but sometimes it has to be done. Diapers only work so well. They are only good for a few hours before they start leaking. So, sometimes I suck it up and change him to avoid having to change the sheets.

Last night, was an example of the former. Wyatt was yelling in his crib, not crying just yelling. He cries when he is hungry. If he needs anything else it is more of a yell. Upon reaching his crib, I realize that he is soaking wet. Peed right through his Huggies, pajamas, and sheets. I picked him up, went to the changing table, turned on his airplanes so he would be entertained, and went to work. He is being rather noisy, a mix of crying and yelling. I am working as fast as I possibly can but amid all of this I suddenly realize that I have to pee. This often happens with me. I have a very small bladder and I seem to not notice that I have to go to the bathroom until it is an emergency. I try to criss-crossing my legs, not working. I try dancing a little while diapering. This only makes the diapering go slower and Wyatt louder. I get him diapered and changed but not buttoned and decide that I have to take him to the bathroom with me or else I will wet my pants and have to change myself.

Usually, when I am watching him during the day I put him in his excer-saucer to use the bathroom. He stays entertained and non-mobile at least for 5 minutes. Sometimes, I will bring toys in, put them on the bath mat, and sit him down. That works too. I decided that this the best option since he is not really awake. He has his binky in his mouth, sitting on the bath mat, clinging to the legs of my pajamas while I am sitting on the toilet. He starts whining. I try to hurry up. The whining turns into yelling, binky still in place. I have to take action before the entire house wakes up.

I survey the options. I can stand, pull up my pants, then pick up the baby. Or I could pick up the baby, stand, then pull up my pants. He is not sitting very well. He is all wobbly from sleep and I have to keep him propped between my legs so he doesn't fall over. I stand. He almost falls over and starts crying more. I pick him up. My pants have now fallen around my ankles. I bend my knees, grab the hem of my pants, and try wiggling them into place. Then I hear that tell tale sound of plastic on tile, the sound that is usually followed by screaming, the sound of the binky hitting the floor. Wyatt is full on crying and I am caught, literally, with my pants down. Now what? Do I reach for the binky to hopefully pacify the beastly cries? Do I pull up my pants? Do I wash my hands, get the binky, then pull up my pants? Do I go with my gut and just start screaming for help?

I decide that my pants should be my primary concern. Since he is already crying it doesn't matter if I upset him some more. Once my ass is covered, I pick up the binky and proceed directly to the sink. I wash my hands and then the binky and place the binky firmly in Wyatt's mouth. He grabs on and buries his head back in my shoulder. We are both back to sleep in another 15 minutes. Wyatt is so very traumatized that he sleeps until 8:30am. I am thinking that maybe adventures with the potty and bare assed mommy needs to happen every night.