Last night, you told me "Mom, when you wake up and I am 5, you are going to go crazy!" You are officially 5 and I am officially going crazy. I am having a hard time this year putting words to what I am feeling. You feel 5 to me. I am not astonished just excited. These last 5 years have been the best of my life. Today is a celebration! You simply amaze me. Everyday. With your wit and sarcasm. With your sense of humor and lust for information. With your fearlessness and adventurous attitude. With your sheer ability to love. You are the most affectionate and sweet five-year-old I know. You care about people. You’re empathetic and compassionate. I am just so incredibly proud of you. I am so proud to be your mom.
You have been fairly attached to me lately in a way that is a little unusual. You want to, not only, sit next to me but on my lap or with our chairs touching. You teared up when asking if it was okay to still come in my bedroom if you got scared when you get older. You want to hold my hand and ask when I will be home. I am not sure if it is because of our impending move or if it is just a phase. Maybe it's just because you spend most of your waking hours with me. I take you with me everywhere. We map out our day together every morning. You, matter of factly, told me that you are my best friend. “And Jen too” you amended. I am equally as attached to you. I genuinely enjoy spending my time with you. I look forward to seeing you when I've been away. We make each other belly laugh till tears run down our cheeks. I find it amazing that I asked you to help me pick out shoes in DSW and you found the exact ones that I would have picked myself. We make a pretty remarkable team.
You had kindergarten registration the other day. I didn’t cry when I received the notice in the mail just stared at it in disbelief for a little while. I am so excited for you. For this next monumental step in your life. For being able to watch you grow and mature into the boy you are becoming. I sat down to fill out the volumes of paperwork and off you went. I sensed a little of your hesitation but you pushed through. I know you wanted to explore your new school with me but I think you understood that it was a new place just for you. The 5 years old, I can comprehend. Its the kindergarten that I can't. Adding to the surrealism was filling out all the paperwork with our new address and new phone number. This is all really happening. And it is all moving faster then I ever imagined.
I find myself searching your face, surprised when I still see expressions that you made when you were a baby. Watching your lips when you talk, taking in the way they move. Or how your eyes go big when you speak of the latest Star Wars guy you are obsessed with. You are still in there; that same angelic baby I fell in love with five years ago. But somehow it has turned into so much more. You have grown into so much more. We sat down to watch some old home movies last night, a mini celebration of the 5 years of you. We laughed watching you toddle across the screen, listened to you tell stories in your broken baby English, commented on how you excitedly have been rubbing your hands together for years. Gammy reflected while I was switching tapes, "Take him in now because in 5 more years you are going to be nostalgic for the things that are happening now." She is right.
I didn’t think it was possible to love you any more then I did five years ago but it just keeps growing and growing. This expanse of love that I had no idea I was capable of. I keep waiting for it to reach its ceiling but it never does.
My big, grown up, cuddly boy, I love you everyday and I always will.
Happy Birthday.
Momma
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